In a Shocking Diplomatic Move, Canada Invades U.S… With Kindness
OTTAWA — In an unprecedented act of international diplomacy, Canada launched a surprise invasion of the United States today — not with tanks and troops, but with flowers, apology notes, and an insurmountable force of polite gestures.
Dubbed “Operation Overly Friendly”, this peaceful incursion began early this morning as thousands of Canadian “ambassadors” wearing bright red shirts emblazoned with “Sorry for Invading, Eh?” flooded across the border. These operatives, trained in the arts of kindness, immediately began holding doors open, shovelling driveways, and randomly complimenting Americans on their fashion choices.
President Pat Thompson, in an urgent press conference, declared, “We are under attack… but it’s quite nice actually.” Bewildered border agents could only watch as Canadians offered them fresh, warm donuts and steaming cups of Tim Hortons coffee, effectively rendering them powerless against such overwhelming geniality.
A leaked Canadian military strategy memo detailed the northern nation’s intent: “The ultimate aim is to annex the U.S., not through force, but through excessive goodwill, thereby turning it into the world’s largest maple syrup reserve.”
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