Ding Dong! It’s Verizon.

You’re minding your own business, just back from a sweaty workout, and you’re ready to collapse onto your couch with the latest episode of “The Good Witch” playing in the background. Suddenly, you spot movement from the corner of your eye. A new species of predator has emerged from the urban jungle, armed with the deadliest weapon in existence: a sales pitch. And no, this isn’t a movie plot, readers. I’m talking about the Verizon canvassers!

I’m convinced there’s a secret society of Verizon sales folks, all huddled in a shadowy room, tracking our movements, studying our daily routines, and sharing notes about the best time to strike. My house, I’m sure, has a flashing red ‘X’ on their mission board. The target? Yours truly. Last week, a fresh face appeared on the horizon. I made the fatal mistake of making eye contact with him. Readers, you know that feeling when you accidentally step on a puppy’s tail and it gives you that look? Yeah, that was me. Before I knew it, he was at my door, armed with enthusiasm, optimism, and a sheaf of papers.

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